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Some down moments
Sunday, August 7, 2016
So recently, results came out. It was bad, both P3 and P5, 42% so I failed.You know those moments where you tried hard but didnt do good enough? Then u started to doubt your own ability? Yeap. Cant cry because I tried real hard, just demotivated. And I wont/cant/dont want to give up. I had lotsa people around me who kept going despite failures so I will move on as well. No problem, no problem. So apart from being down, I registered right away for my exam on September and December. I registered for P6 class as well. After that, I proceed to work for Triumph Fair for a week. After that, I realized my September exam had some error on it and by the time I realized it, it was quite late but not too late to rectify the error. I used email when I could have call right away(didnt know then, wasnt aware of live chat and call, dumb fuck), but everything was too late by the time I called ACCA. Turns out the error was with our payment card not ACCA, the bank refunded us the money 2 days after transaction. So conclusion now, my exam had to be postponed to March. Dad was sorta angry and forced me to go for Sept exam despite the unreasonably expensive late fees but I managed to talk him through as he let me go with my own decision. Got lectured about not being careful enough, but I guess he forgave me because I never experienced this problem before.. TILL NOW. His trust in me sometimes makes me hate myself for disappointing him. In a way, I was desperate to earn my own money, but my parents are against the idea of me working permanent jobs because they were afraid that I wouldnt be able to concentrate on my exams which means lagi long till graduation.. So I've been looking for freelance job. (Applied for some, waiting for response). I know myself too, but if I kept messing up, I will go ahead and work fulltime.. somehow? but I cant even pass when Im focus, what would happen if I study while work? I dont know man. So many self doubt. But mei might enter college next year, di just started this year, jie just started college after working for few years.. I really duwanna be a burden to my dad, hes not that young anymore. Its obvious he wants me to graduate ASAP as well, so I wouldnt blame him when he was furious to find out that there is no chance for me to graduate by this year anymore. It happened on the day of my mei's birthday too, stupid timing. Im not gonna act like ahah, Im okay and fine because at one point, I was thinking if God is joking with me. I had a tough time moving on from my results, I had to study everyday ever since results day before I can relax and sleep and now this? But I decided to let it go, because maybe I might have fuckup my september exam and he was just trying to give me a break. He has his reason so I shall just go with the flow. Then I realized I didnt meet up with people much after exam results so I decided to visit drill competition yesterday (I hesitated a lot a lot when my brother said he cant go) but I still went anyway. Then I hated myself for not being sensitive enough to realize when one junior was feeling sad and I teased him. I was a jerk, wanted to make up for the mistake but was shushed up by another. So I gave up and decided to just apologize through the net. Done and moved on. I have been so mentally tired, I dont think I want to meet anyone for sometime. Eileen, le very close friend is not attending class at the moment due to results so obviously we are drifting apart a lil, but we both saw it coming. Life is lik datttt~ But P6 class was kinda good so far with new friends and some old ones so yeah :) Im more relaxed knowing my exam is in December too.. I'll be going Langkawi on September so hopefully by then, I'll be the happy go lucky, positive kinda me again. Everything will be okay with time. *meditation MMMMMMMM. Im sorry if my negativity scares u. But Im a human. So life isnt rainbow with unicorns all the time. Dont judge xD Bye!~ |
Goodbye. Little Exits.
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